


Kissing Strangers

by doneligger



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: (suzy and arin have never dated in this btw), Alcohol, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Making Out, NSFW, angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-27 15:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12584792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doneligger/pseuds/doneligger
Summary: Dan has a hard time finding "that special someone", resorting to one-night stands and a variety of strangers in his life. Although this isn't what he actually wants, he's stuck with it until a realization dawns on him that changes everything he knows.Loosely based on the song "Kissing Strangers" by DNCE.





	1. All Misinformation Open to Interpretation

The smell of liquor and sex still lingered in the air. Groggily, he rubbed his eyes, attempting to adjust them to the bright sunlight coming in through his window. He sat up slowly, glancing over to the other side of the bed. Huh, go figure. Empty, yet again. He lazily grabbed his phone, checking the time. 2:07 p.m. A bright, sunny Saturday morning. Lately, most of his Friday nights ended up like this. Girl after guy, after girl, after guy. Dan wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he could get anyone, or almost anyone he wanted. That has at least been proven to him by the last few months of his life. But no one ever stuck around long enough for him to even say ‘goodbye’ to them the next morning.

He stood up, walking over to his window and closing the blinds. One would think that he’d be used to hangovers by now, but they still get the best of him and force him to spend a good few hours in the darkness and silence, reviving himself with coffee, some plain food and, most importantly, a shower. He walked over to the bathroom, noticing himself in the mirror above his sink. _“Man,”_ he thought to himself, _“I look like shit.”_ It wasn’t anything particularly new – a night of heavy drinking followed by rough sex does that to you. Each day he’d tell himself how he needs to get his act together, give up on whatever quest he’s on currently and just lay low for some time. Figure his shit out. But the passage of time is constantly on his mind and he’s fully aware that he’s not getting any younger.

Turning on the water, letting it pour over him and feeling it soothe his skin and muscles lets him rest a bit, mentally at least. While for most people showers are the time when they think and usually overthink everything, for Dan showers are the only time he actually does the exact opposite. His mind goes completely blank, just taking in the warmth of the water and how wonderful it feels splashing against his skin. He quickly shampoos his nest of a hair, rinsing it out afterwards, and then spending the remainder of his time just standing there; eyes closed, deep breaths. Although he wouldn’t mind just spending the entire day in that spot, he knows he has to get back to the real world as soon as possible. So he finishes up, wrapping a towel around his waist, and proceeds to the kitchen.

He takes some juice from the fridge, pouring out into a glass, and grabs some toast, plopping it into the toaster, before he goes and sits down at the table. With his head in his hands, he unwillingly recalls the events that happened last night. It’s all sort of a haze, leaving him unable to piece everything together and form a chronological timeline. But somehow this is for the best – the people he’s with, they don’t matter in the long run. No point in remembering them or what he did with them.

He’s sure that the toaster isn’t actually that loud, but to him it sounds like someone dropping a large sofa onto a wooden floor. Wincing slightly at the sudden noise, he goes over to get his food, biting into the dry bread, too exhausted to even attempt to put anything on it. Not exactly the breakfast of champions, but it’ll do for now. The rest of his weekend is spent pretty much like this first hour of Saturday – with him just lounging around his house, eating whenever he remembers to do so, and watching a crapload of shitty shows on Netflix.

When Monday comes around, he has to admit he isn’t feeling much better. Usually he gets over the hangover, the messy sex, the unknown people, and the thoughts of how he may never find someone to spend the rest of his life with, this “soulmate” everyone else speaks of. But this time, it hit him a bit harder than usual, so it’s no surprise that he gets a large amount of concerned looks and ‘everything okay?’s at the Grump Office. He hates feeling like the others are pitying him, like he’s a small child who needs attention and care from everyone else. He knows they’re just looking out for him, they’d act the same way if it was anyone else instead of Dan, but he just wishes he could fake a smile and not have people ask questions and look at him as if he’s a lost puppy.

This is why, as soon as he’s in the Grump room with Arin, everything feels much better. Arin, unlike everyone else, doesn’t act like a worried parent towards Dan. Not that he’s oblivious to Dan’s misery, or that he doesn’t care about him or something. It’s just that Arin’s way of dealing with this is to crack jokes, say dumb shit and rage at video games in order to make Dan laugh. And Dan fucking loves that. Everything falls back into place when he’s here, filming with Arin. This is how the two of them function, without ever having to explicitly state it or agree on it. This is what makes Dan forget about his problems, about the repetitive Friday nights, and the disappointing Saturday mornings. Here, all he thinks about is how silly Arin’s being and how interesting, and more often than not, ridiculous the games they’re playing are. His case is a rare one, in which his “job” is something he actually looks forward to and what makes him happy, rather than being stressed about it or upset.

“Did you FUCKING see that? What is this shit?!” the familiar loud and high-pitched voice spoke up, making Dan double over in laughter.

"Dude... you almost got it! I’m certain you can do it!” he replied back, knowing that Arin isn’t even comprehending what Dan’s telling him right now, because he is so angry at the mechanics of the game, and the broken controls and shitty AI.

“OH MY GOD I WILL SHIT ALL OVER THIS FUCKING-“ Arin interrupted himself, proceeding to scream at the top of his lungs, while simultaneously chucking the controller and nearly hitting the TV.

Dan is grasping for air at this point, barely able to mutter any coherent words through his laughter. Reaching over to pat Arin on the shoulder, he’s finally able to calm down enough to blurt out “Next time on Game Grumps!” before breaking out into a giggling fit yet again. As Arin marks down the end of the recording, he looks over at Dan who now has tears forming at the corners of his eyes. As their gazes meet, they both erupt into laughter for the umpteenth time. After a solid few minutes, they’re able to come to their senses and they both take deep breaths in an attempt to calm themselves.

“Man, Arin, you’re going to kill me one day, I swear...” He looks over at Arin, who still has a smile on his face.

“It’s not me dude, it’s the game. I, for one, think my reactions are pretty on-point in regards to the absolute fuckery that was happening on the screen.”

“Maybe, maybe, but still.. Don’t know how much more I can laugh before I just explode. Or implode? I don’t know, but I’m sure people have somehow died from laughing too much.” Even though he’s joking, Dan can’t help but actually now wonder if what he’s saying could have some truth to it.

“Nah, that’s impossible. I mean, people die from a LOT of dumb shit, let’s be real. Like tripping on something and then breaking their skulls open, or like accidentally setting their house on fire because they were too busy snapchatting someone and forgot to check on their food... Y’know, I even read somewhere that you can die from heartbreak. Isn’t that crazy?”

Dan suddenly went silent upon hearing this, Arin’s words hitting a bit too close to home. Still, he shot the smaller man a quick smile, followed by a mumbled _“yea_ h” before he fished his phone out of the pocket and started mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. Not that he was particularly interested in what was on there, but he needed a quick distraction, and something to focus on so Arin couldn’t tell that he was slightly unsettled by where their conversation led them.

Arin seemed to understand, for he didn’t ask any questions nor talk more about this topic. Instead, he got up, stretching loudly and quite obnoxiously, which made Dan laugh silently.

“Ready to get some food, yo? I could totally go for some Wendy’s.” How expected of Arin, Dan thought.

He stood up and followed Arin out of the Grump room, nodding towards Ross as they passed each other. He did feel pretty hungry at this point, something he hasn’t noticed until Arin mentioned the idea of food. Today it was Ross and Brian that would be joining Arin and Dan for lunch. As they walked outside and towards the car, Dan couldn’t help but think how thankful he was to have such good friends like the ones that he’s surrounded by almost daily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you liked the first chapter of this little idea that I got in my mind. Not too sure how many chapters there'll be, but I'll try to release them as often as possible (depending on when I have free time from uni). Later chapters will definitely get more saucy, angsty and just in general... be prepared for emotions. Both positive and negative ones! Heck yeah!  
> Sorry that this chapter was sort of just an introductory type of thing. Story will develop more later on.
> 
> Leave comments and kudos so I know if you guys actually wanna read more of this! :)


	2. Trying to Find Connection in 2 Thousand Something Ain't Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated as Danny and Arin spend some time alone at the Grump Space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got around to writing the 2nd chapter. I hope you like it, especially since it's a bit... spicier than the first one! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

With food in their bellies and smiles on their faces, the fantastic foursome returned to the Grump space, to continue their usual work. Dan and Arin had completed their session of Game Grumps, which left the rest of their day pretty empty regarding filming videos. Dan sprawled across one of the bean bags on the floor, fiddling with his phone, waiting for someone – most likely Arin – to come up with something interesting and probably ridiculous for them to do in the meantime. Luckily, he didn’t have any other work today either, including Ninja Sex Party or Starbomb or anything of the sort. He could’ve just gone home, but he figured that’d be a waste of his day, since he’d probably be extremely bored and, quite frankly, pretty lonely. With all of this in mind, chilling with his best friends at the Grump office seemed like the best idea.

Soon enough, Arin joined him on the bean bag, laying down close next to Dan, peeking over at his phone. Dan had gotten used to not questioning this sort of stuff, and honestly, he doesn’t mind it at all. He’s really happy with the relationship he has with Arin. They can be comfortable around each other, not even having the need to talk without it being awkward or weird. But of course, Arin can’t stay silent for long.

“Anything interesting on the wonderful world of internet?” He questioned Dan, jokingly.

“Nah, just the usual. Being called ‘daddy’ and whatnot.” Dan replied, making both of them chuckle.

“Hey, y’know what we should do?” Arin began, an excited smile forming on his face. Dan gave him a puzzled look, arching his brow and waiting for an answer.

“A livestream! We’re in the perfect place for it, and we got nothing better to do anyways. I’m sure the lovelies will appreciate it.”

Dan nodded in agreement; he really did enjoy doing random and relatively short streams on Facebook. Whether it’s with Brian, Arin, Barry or anyone else from the office, they always proved to be great fun and he knew their fans really liked them as well.

Typing away on his phone, he set up the livestream and quickly fixed his hair before looking over at Arin and reaching out to fix his as well. Caressing the smaller man’s face gently and staring into his eyes, Dan simultaneously started the stream and pointed the phone at the two of them.

“Oh, hi, hello! Didn’t see ya there!” He quickly backed away from Arin, pretending to act surprised at the sudden ‘intrusion’ of the camera and their fans. Arin laughed, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head at Dan’s shenanigans.

The chat swiftly filled up with people greeting them, writing supportive messages and an incredible amount of memes and jokes – just like always. Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, and soon enough they found themselves half an hour into the livestream, and neither of them felt like ending it yet. The time passed with them answering questions, revealing some info regarding future projects and plans, hinting at some exciting stuff that they have in mind and being their goofy selves. They, of course, couldn’t miss the occasional “wow, you two look like an adorable couple” message thrown in the chat, upon which they’d both glance at each other and smile. If you were to ask either of them, they’d say how they never really feel uncomfortable or upset at the fact that some fans see them as, or even actually want them to be a couple. Not that either of them considered this, of course, but it also isn’t something they find disturbing or annoying. They’re fully aware of how close they can get, both on-camera and off, and more often than not, they’re the ones really pushing forth the idea of being a couple onto their fans. It’s a fun little joke that developed throughout the years, and at this point it’d be weird to end it or suddenly get upset over it or something.

Or well, so Arin thinks. In reality, Dan, on the other hand, has given this whole thing way more thought, too much to even admit. Arin knows Dan’s into guys just as much as girls. Hell, everyone in the Grump studio knows – they’re all his friends and he never had a reason to hide such a thing from them. And Dan knows that Arin’s... well, he actually has no idea. Arin’s never been the one to put a label on himself, or classify himself as just one ‘thing’. And there were plenty of times where Dan wanted to ask him about it, but no matter how comfortable he was with Arin, he could never actually do it. His own reasoning was that he didn’t want to be intrusive and how it was ‘none of his business’, but deep down inside he was actually quite afraid of what Arin’s answer might be. What if he’s only into girls? Dan was quite certain he didn’t have a crush on Arin, but the thought of him being completely, 100% straight somehow made Dan feel uneasy.

After an hour and fifteen minutes, they finally ended the stream, thanking everyone for joining them and promising more of these in the near future. After that was done, their chill time quickly turned into them passionately discussing a variety of things. From movies, video games, music to current happenings in the world and also certain specifics of their channel and their job. Before they even realized it, most of the other Grumps had left to go home, and soon enough it was just the two of them – by now Arin had actually moved to sit at the table near the bean bag which Dan was on, since he wanted to get something to eat.

Their conversation slowly turned into something Dan had been quite apprehensive of talking about – sex. Although they often mentioned it, made jokes about it and discussed a variety of weird sex acts, especially during filming sessions, Dan always tried to avoid talking about their own, personal sex lives. He didn’t know what Arin, or anyone else for that matter, would think of him if they knew what his sex life was like. And yet, here he was, listening to Arin sort-of-jokingly complain about how he hasn’t ‘gotten any’ in a long time. Dan just laughed along while Arin spoke, slowly easing himself into this sort of a conversation, and being quite glad that Arin wasn’t asking him anything. That is, until he did.

“So, man, come on. You’ve heard me complain about my shit way too much, what’s up with you? Share the hot deets, dude.” Dan choked a bit on his coffee upon hearing this, trying desperately to seem nonchalant about it, chuckling through his coughs.

“Well, uh, I mean, y’know... it’s alright, I suppose.” God, he sounded so dumb, even to himself.

”Really? ‘It’s alright’? What does that even mean? Like, ‘it’s alright, I’m getting my dick sucked each Tuesday’ or ‘it’s alright, I haven’t gotten laid in a while either’ or.. I mean, I don’t know, man, that’s a very vague answer. I said ‘hot deets’ and all I get is ‘it’s alright’?” Arin jokingly teased Dan, causing him to crack a smile even though he was starting to feel quite nervous at this point.

“Well, if you must know...” Dan spoke up, realizing that now it may be to late to just back out and switch topics. “I have been getting laid, for your information. Quite often.” He shot a smile at Arin, as much as he felt awkward saying this.

“Whoa, well, look at you... Dan the man!” Arin stood up, walking over to Dan and sitting down next to him like before. “So... come on, you gotta know that you either tell me the rest yourself or I keep asking you questions until I get to know everything I want.” Dan rolled his eyes, gently shoving Arin as he tried to adjust himself in the soft bean bag.

“Then go ahead and ask. I’m not revealing any more than I have to.” Although Dan didn’t really want to continue this talk, he knew that he had no way of escaping Arin and his curiosity. So he figured, he might as well just get this over with, and hope to God that Arin doesn’t tell others about this conversation.

“One person or many?”

“The latter.” Arin grinned like a small child.

“How often?”

“Weekly.” Dan had to hold back a laugh, realizing that he sounds like the most pretentious and egotistical asshole right now. But, Arin was looking for answers and Dan was just giving them.

“Whoa. Your place or theirs?”

“Mine. Usually.” He was trying to be as truthful as possible.

“Ew, man, gross. I napped on your bed!” Both of them fell into a fit of giggles, and Dan was extremely glad that this went much better than he had expected. Although he should’ve known that Arin wouldn’t treat him any differently, he couldn’t help but be anxious about it. Fortunately, he was proved wrong yet again, and there they were – nearly cuddling on a bean bag, talking about sex and laughing their asses off. Sometimes Dan really underestimated just how strong their friendship is.

Hours later, they’ve somehow ended up closer than ever before, at least from what Dan could remember. He had his arm around Arin, with the younger boy resting his head on Dan’s chest. Their talk developed into something Dan could’ve never even imagined. He told Arin way too many details that he wouldn’t have shared with anyone else, and Arin listened intently, wanting to know every little thing, even stuff that made Dan blush as he was recalling them. Now that it was nearing 2 a.m., both of them were quite tired, and definitely a bit horny.

“Nah, man. There’s no way you can make out with someone and not have it be at least slightly sexual. Or even just romantic.” Dan argued a point Arin had randomly made, something about how two people can definitely kiss, or even make out, and have it still be purely platonic. Dan wasn’t even sure why he had brought this up, but he didn’t really feel like questioning it.

“Dude, really? I’m telling you – it’s possible!” Arin was raising his voice and vaguely waving his arms around as he spoke, as if that would somehow make his statement more valid. Dan had thought about how, whenever Arin’s tired, he acts almost drunk. It was both weirdly concerning and yet somehow adorable.

“Listen. Let me prove you wrong.” Arin’s words made Dan freeze in place. He sharply looked down at the back of Arin’s head, and the sudden silence and stillness of the situation made Arin also look up at Dan.

“What are you talking about?” Dan questioned him, although he was almost 100% certain he knew what Arin meant. But the thought of this made his head spin.

“Let. Me. Prove. You. Wrong. We’ll make out and you’ll see that that it’ll still feel platonic and nothing more than like... hugging your mom or something.” In any other situation, Dan would brush this off as Arin being way too tired for his own good, back up from him and laugh it off. But right now, he was actually considering Arin’s offer. And he couldn’t explain to himself why.

“Okay,” was all Dan said before Arin used his elbows to lean more on the bean bag and reach Dan’s lips with his own. They stayed like that for a few moments, both of them suddenly being fully aware of their actions, but yet not wanting to stop. Dan’s heart simultaneously felt like it wasn’t beating at all, and also like it was going 500 miles per hour.

Arin slowly pulled away, but not entirely, still resting his forehead on Dan’s. They both could feel the heat radiating from the other’s face, and neither of them was sure what to do at this point. Dan was too afraid to speak, or even move. Arin seemed to feel a bit more comfortable, not quite like he knew what he was doing, but almost as if.. he actually planned this? Dan didn’t allow himself to believe this. They both kept their eyes closed, and soon enough Dan felt a hand on his thigh, as Arin sat up more and brought their lips together again, this time allowing himself to deepen the kiss and taste more of Dan.

Everything felt like it was melting around them, and Dan was sure he would wake up any moment only to find himself at home, in his bed. But he couldn’t deny how real the hand on his thigh felt, the hair in his face, the closeness of another being, and... shit. He was getting hard. Dan knew he’s always been pretty easy to turn on, and it never took much for him to be completely blinded by his arousal, but right now he knew that if he lets himself go with the motions, it could have some pretty serious consequences. And to make matters worse, as much as he wanted to just think that he’s imagining it, he could swear that Arin’s hand is moving more upward.

Before he was fully even aware of what he’s doing, he found himself standing up and letting out a string of apologies, shuffling awkwardly away from Arin, away from this whole situation, trying desperately to avoid Arin’s gaze. He knew that it can’t be a smart idea to just leave his friend – his best friend – like this, but right now all he could think about was that he needed to get away and let himself calm down and process what had happened. Moments later he was in his car, turning the key and driving away from the Grump building. He shakingly typed out an _“I’m sorry.”_ to Arin, as he sped up home.


	3. Just Trying to Make My Way Out Through the Concrete Jungle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward yet necessary conversations happen, feelings blossom and friends become something... else?

So now here he was. It was 3 a.m. and Dan was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t even bother turning on the lights as he entered his apartment, all he wanted to do was chill the fuck out and try to make some sense of what had just happened. At some point – mostly without even realizing it – he had put his phone on silent. He was sure that he had a crap ton of missed calls and text messages. He was not ready to face all that right now. He simultaneously felt tired and exhausted and yet also fully awake and absolutely unable to sleep. He wasn’t sure what to do at this point. He just made out with his best friend and got turned on by it and then he fled the scene. Dan was certain that he looked like the biggest asshole ever, and he felt tremendously bad about it, but more so than that did he feel completely unable to handle this situation right now and talk to Arin about it. What would he even say? _“Hey, so, yeah, turns out I kind of like you? Maybe?”_ For god’s sake, they aren’t in high school. And to be frank, it’s not like Dan had any clue about what his feelings actually are at this very moment.

The loud beeping of his alarm startled him awake, as he slowly regained his composure and remembered everything that had happened last night. Figuring he can’t spend the whole day in his bedroom, he slowly walked out into his living room, almost as if he was trying not to wake up someone else. This was dumb, of course, considering he’s been living alone for the last few years. But he felt the immense need to just… hide away from the rest of the world, from everyone else, conceal his existence, at least for the time being.

After having breakfast (or what Dan might call breakfast), he decided it was finally time to check his phone. He wouldn’t be able to stay away from it for long anyways, what with the majority of his life being heavily dependent on it and the internet, but he was also aware that he’ll probably make his friends, and most importantly Arin, worry if he just keeps ignoring their calls and texts. Upon unlocking his phone he immediately saw the insane amount of notifications he had. Nearly 20 messages, all from Arin, plus a few more from other friends.

_“Hey, Dan, is everything okay?”_

_“Please call me back.”_

_“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think about what I was doing.”_

_"It’s my fault, please just pick up.”_

_“Dan… please…”_

Dan had to sit down because the more he kept reading Arin’s texts, the more he felt like he was either going to pass out or throw up or… both at the same time. He felt like shit for allowing Arin to feel this way, to blame himself for this. Who knows how much worse he feels now that an entire night has passed. As much as he dreaded it, Dan knew he had to talk to Arin and, if nothing else, at least explain his side of the story. He had no idea where that would lead. Would they still be friends? Would this ruin their friendship completely? Would they become… something more? He erased that thought pretty quickly, not letting himself become too hopeful.

Getting into his car, he quickly typed out _“I’m on my way. I’m sorry”_ to Arin. It was at this point that he realized he wasn’t even sure whether Arin’s at home or at the office, but something told him that his friend probably didn’t feel like going to work today, so he started driving down the very familiar road to Arin’s house. 

As he pulled into the driveway, he was half-considering just turning back and never going outside ever again. But he rationalized that this just wouldn’t be possible, or smart, so after sitting in the car for about 5 minutes and taking deep breaths, he finally got out and walked the small distance to the front door. Just as he reached for the bell, the door swung open and what he saw made his heart sink. Arin stood there, his hair disheveled, his eyes red and puffy, sniffling and staring at Dan. At that moment, Dan felt like his whole world was torn apart. He had never seen Arin in this state, never in this much of a mess. He wanted to hug him, to apologize a million times, to make him breakfast and coffee and wipe his tears and just do everything in his power to fix the mess he had made. But he was frozen in place. All of his feelings for Arin – whatever they may be – they were so overwhelming, and they were mixing with his guilt and sadness and shock and disappointment and concern and who knows what other emotion. Eventually, something snapped him back to reality and he stepped forward as fast as his brain could send the message to his body, and he hugged Arin. He didn’t know what they were going to do next, or what he would say, or what Arin would say, but in this moment, this just felt right. The younger man held back tears, as he clung onto Dan as if his life depended on it. After a few moments of them standing like this, both realized that the chances of Arin’s neighbors seeing them were very high, and so they proceeded to clumsily untangle their bodies and silently walk to the living room, where they sat on opposite ends of the couch, staring at the ground.

The first one to speak up was Arin. “Dan, I-I’m so sorry… I was so worried, I didn’t know if something had happened to you or if you were so mad at me that you never wanted to see me or talk to me again and I, I know what I did was so fucking dumb and I have no idea what I was thinking, I wasn’t even thinking really, I just- I did- in that moment I… I don’t know, Dan. I’m a fucking idiot and I’m so sorry.”

Dan had to close his eyes in order to not break down into tears upon hearing this. How would he ever convince Arin that none of this was his fault and that he wasn’t mad at him? He didn’t know where to start. “Arin. I’m going to be absolutely awful at this because I have no idea how to find the right words or whatever but… I need you to know that I’m not mad at you. I never was. What you did… it didn’t upset me. I… I don’t know what it did but… I’m not angry. I stupidly ran away because I didn’t know what else to do. I was thinking only about myself when I should have been thinking about you, too. I should be the one apologizing profusely. I’m sorry, Arin. I should have stayed…”

They both sat in silence for a few moments, taking in what the other had said. “Why did you leave?” Arin asked, now the sadness in his voice replaced with curiosity.

“I… I left because I was afraid. I thought you would be weirded out or disgusted or… something. I didn’t expect what happened to happen but when it did it made me realize something I don’t think I was fully ready to realize. And, what was more frightening was thinking that you’d push me away or stop being my friend or… something.”

“Dude. Do you really think I would have ever kissed you in the first place if I didn’t… you know, uh…”

“Yeah, well, no, I mean… I don’t know, I didn’t really consider that, no. I was so sure you were, uh, straight and I mean it’s totally fine if you are, and I’m not sure if I should even be bringing this into the conversation and now I just feel really stupid, Jesus.” Dan finally breathed a sigh of relief, letting himself relax now that the situation seemed way less tense than moments ago.

“Dan. You are, without a doubt, the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” Arin stated matter-of-factly. “And I love you.”

Dan’s eyes lit up as he finally made eye contact with his friend, watching him expectantly.

“And I have no clue what that means right now. But I know it’s what I feel.” Arin spoke honestly, and Dan was pretty much stunned, almost as if he was waiting for the big reveal where he finds out this is all some elaborate joke or something. “And Dan,” Arin continued, “we’re both such fucking idiots when it comes to this stuff. And I can’t even tell you how nervous I am just saying all this. But I know it’s better that we talk about it now, even if it’s awkward and uncomfortable and clumsy and even if we can’t make a single coherent sentence. But it’s important that we just talk about it.”

They both started chuckling, for some reason neither of them could explain, but things finally felt right and comfortable, and they were happy to just be sitting together again and talking. Or at least trying to.

“Okay, dude, seriously though… if we’re really gonna do this, t-talk I mean, then we need to be, y’know, like honest and stuff… and not beat around the bush. At least, not a lot…” Dan said, somewhat coyly. Arin nodded in agreement, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, suddenly unsure of how to proceed.

Dan took initiative, and continued, “so… what I realized is that I may have certain… feelings for you. Like, we’ve been friends for so long, and we’ve been good fuckin’ friends, so I didn’t have a reason to think about this stuff ‘cause like… we did things that friends do, right? But then… then you kissed me and both my mind and body reacted in a way that I didn’t consciously anticipate. So… I’m not sure what’s my goal here, really. I don’t know what I’m trying to exactly convey to you, but I think… I think for me it’s easier because, well… I’ve known that I’m into dudes for a while now. So, like, that part of it isn’t foreign to me. But I don’t know about you… so if you have… anything to say then I’m all ears.”

Arin took a deep breath, glancing around the room for a bit, before focusing his eyes on Dan’s hands, which were constantly moving in his lap, clearly showing his nervousness. “I swear to you Dan, before last night I’ve never thought about you… like that… Or maybe I have, but I wasn’t aware of it. Either way, I don’t know what made me kiss you. Probably the fact that I was really tired and not really processing anything that was happening. I just did what felt right to do in that moment. And I gotta say.. I panicked when you left. A lot. I thought you hated me… Now I know I was overreacting, but in that moment everything felt just pretty shitty to be honest. And… I didn’t give myself a chance to think about my preferences. I’m not straight, that much is I think obvious, but… I don’t know what I am. Is that bad?”

Dan smiled softly, wishing to reach out and hold Arin’s hands, but the way they were seated meant he would have to scoot more forward to do that, so he decided against it for now. “No, Arin. Not at all. You don’t even have to find a label or define yourself in any way if you don’t want to. Or if you just can’t find anything that feels right. That’s completely okay. Hmm… Who knows, maybe you’re just Dan-sexual, huh?” He joked, raising an eyebrow at the other man.

Both of them laughed wholeheartedly, feeling much more at ease. Dan finally moved closer to Arin, hesitantly placing his hands over the younger man’s, waiting for a sign of approval, which came in the form of a smile. “Is-is it okay if I-“ Dan was cut off by Arin excitedly nearly yelling “Yes!” after which he waited for Dan to lean in and kiss him. This time it was much more different than last night. It felt more meaningful, and even though it wasn’t as passionate and hurried, it somehow was more intense still. When they parted, Arin leaned into Dan and let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding.

“You know what I think we should do?” Arin looked up at Dan. “I think we should go get something to eat. Can’t re-evaluate your whole life and relationships you’ve had and reconsider your whole existence as a person on an empty stomach, can you?” He said with a bright smile, earning a playful shove from the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh, i haven't updated this in forever! i was pretty confident that i've just abandoned this work, but then i randomly got a sudden burst of inspiration and wrote all of this in one sitting. i'm always going back and forth between wanting to describe stuff in greater detail and to move on with the story, so i hope there's at least some kind of a balance between those two, because i'm honestly not sure of anything at this point lol. maybe i'm dragging this on for too long, but i'll try to do something a bit... spicier in the next chapter heh. if i ever get around to writing it! MUAHAHAHAH ok im sorry pls love and validate me


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